How Frustrating It Is

How frustrating it is (at the risk of sounding self-important)

to have a talent and not be able

to do anything with it…

But then I think

of the Kiwi Tavern in 2017, packed

With warm, happy souls

singing my songs and dancing, some drunk, some just free —

A whole hatful of inimitable, wonderful humans

Marcelo twirling a girl around,

mouthing the words — his big bright eyes

shining right into me. I couldn’t believe it.

That’s a gift I could never really deserve —

but also the only thing I could really give anyone, and so,

somehow it fits!

Friends I’ve made along the way —

I suppose I’ve surpassed even

Michael Jackson’s success — don’t think I’m insane — in this sense:

I’ve had no real suspicion of those

around me. Never wondered if I was being set up for murder.

Never had to sell my soul to Sony,

and its attendant royalty-racket mob.

But I still would like to feel the fire…

of a wall of hot amplifiers behind me

and 10,000 people or more in a crowd

Lighting them up like Angus…

I still long for 3 months of studio time

Without worrying about money

And wonder why I never got my shot.

But then, I also remember

that girl in high school who,

When I sneaked a peak at her green

spiral notebook,

had written one of my verses on the back cover

as a way to survive the hell of life.

Goddamnit.

I guess there’s really no greater success than that.