music Uncategorized

I’m finally going to record my album.

Was thinking a lot about time, and music, out on my run today. Listened to Fall Out Boy’s new album, and thought it was funny how they’ve become tempered with age, and now so much of their emo angst seems balanced by “Dad Wisdom,” if you will. We’re about the same age. One of the members even commented recently “I’m now as old as my dad was when I thought he had it all figured out.” Something like that. I’ve never been a real huge fan of the band, but it was a worthwhile listen, and sparked my mind and spirit in a new direction. Or made me realize more clearly the direction I was already heading in.

I’ve been playing and recording my own music for about 27 years now. I’ve written a lot of stuff, done home recordings, toured the U.S. with a band, and even been to a few professional sound studios — but nothing I’ve done has satisfied me. Well, going apeshit at live shows with my first punk band with my high school bros — we practiced 3 to 4 times a week and were tight as fuck — that was fun. And then a second group of guys here in Niigata who were both badass players. And playing solo to a lively, happy, drinking and dancing crowd weekends at my old friend’s bar called The Local. Those are all magic moments I’ll never, ever forget and will always love and hold in my heart like shiny diamonds. But I mean on the recording end. On the self-expression end as far as songwriting.

Halloween show w/ Drone Smasherz

If I have a good song, the production falters. If I’ve got a decent sound via my cheap home recording setup, it’s not repeatable across all tracks. I’ve been in great bands — but people are on different pages, or at different levels of ability, or I’ve wrecked opportunities with too much worry — trying to control things too much. If I go to a pro engineer, they can’t really see what I am going for, are impatient, or the time/money pressure pushes one to put out something they don’t actually love. Not to mention finding other folks who are as dedicated as you.

Most critically though — and I think this is the whole battle — I’ve been held down by taking a kind of “needy” stance. By mental programs, emotional issues, and waiting on someone to find my shit and take my hand so I can “make it big.”

As I’ve grown older, I’ve gotten over the “make it big” thing, mostly. One sees that “big” often equates to “cringe,” “sellout,” and being utterly incompetent in other areas of life like relationships, philosophy, and critical thinking. Fame as it is sold to us, is all part of the control system.

So for all the hard knocks I’ve had in music and otherwise (getting scammed by a fake record label in L.A., not being able to write from the heart consistently due to religious programming co-opting me with shame, and often not having folks on the same page to jam with (and also having no friends and facing excruciating solitude when your bandmates decide to swoop in on your girlfriends and cut you out of social circles after you’ve sacrificed going to college and all relationships and your whole life for the band and also your family is falling apart due to unaddressed abuse, drunk driving incidents, and emotional unavailability…. Ahem. I fucking digress)) — All that sucks and is an obstacle, but the thing that was really standing in my way was me. I had the wrong goal. Not even saying that was my fault. But I just couldn’t see clearly.

And it is now time to do it myself, for myself. And just because I think it’s something that others would wanna hear. And even if they didn’t. I don’t know. I just wanna put it out there. That’s the weird thing. It is an impetus that just won’t die.

I’ve been hiding from it. The whole issue feels too embarrassing and tender.

While I have written some songs and recorded demos I like, such as “Skammers” here, and “Nihonkai” here, and made some more professional recordings in-studio like “Broken Mirrors,” and even gotten away with some somewhat passable shit at home on GarageBand like “Dark Side Radio” and “Somethin’s Missin‘,” I’ve not made a whole album I’m really happy with, or that I feel says what I want to say to the world with the sound I want. Or, if I have made something good, I didn’t have the confidence to really share it and promote and plan gigs consistently. I was too weird inside and had too many idealistic visions about shit. The real magic of life turns out to be more sporadic and spontaneous. I wanted to control things too much, but not in a good way. I was hiding.

So my goal is no longer to “make it big,” but just to “make it” at all — as in make the album. I’ve been working on a new batch of songs more honest I think than anything I’ve done, and finally without the bullshit religious fear raping the expression. I’ve got a Tokai SG copy sitting on the couch that I riff and lick on while working at my desk. The selector switch is broken. It’s time to get it fixed. I’ve spent so much money on other things. It’s funny I would never justify biting the bullet and taking it in to the shop.

Again, our most tender dreams make us wanna hide half the time.

But, after holing up this winter. Sewing my over-sensitive self a new skin that I have made, I am gonna step out again this summer. Gonna start playing these new tunes at live gigs in a band and prep for the studio. That’s the plan, at least.

I’d ask you to wish me luck. But fuck asking for anything in that kind of way anymore. I just wanna get this out and off my heart sometime before I check out of here. I hope said checkout is a long way off, but nobody knows how much time they have, right? So best to get on it. No more praying for a gay -ass miracle.

And I probably won’t be happy with this one, all the way, either. I guess that’s what keeps us moving. So hey. Maybe I’ve been doing alright after all. Keepin’ movin’.


Sakura Cash Run 2023 — Detailed Course Map

Start: 小須戸 マイロード櫻の舞うみち (meet at bus stop/parking lot)

Go to the river path / 信濃川の歩き道へ行って:

You’ll have to leave the path momentarily at the green bridge, cross the street, and get back on. / 緑色ブリッジの所でちょっとだけ歩き道がなくなるので、十字路を渡って、進んでください。

Follow river path until breakaway point at Suidennoson Park/Buddhist temple (public restroom/water fountain) / 水田農村公園の所に付いて、信濃川の道から出る (公園にお手洗いと水飲み場があります):

The park will be on your right if you need a pit stop. / 公園がコースの右側にあります、ピットストップがいるなら。

Just go straight until you hit the main road. / ずっと真っ直ぐ、メーンロードまで:

Follow the main road, 403 (there is a nice, broad sidewalk/running path), until next checkpoint which is the Tagami Roadside Station (convenience store/bathrooms)/ メーンロード403付いてるままで、田上道の駅チェックポイントの方へ進む (コンビニがあります。)

Tagami Michi no Eki

Almost there! / あとも少しだけ!

Goal: When you arrive at Sendai Bridge, cross over and make a right on the road on the opposite riverbank. The park will be down that road just a little ways. / 千代橋に付いたら、橋を渡って、川岸の道に直ぐ右を曲がる。その道でちょっとだけ進むと、ゴールの公園が見えるはずです。

If you have any questions: / 質問があれば:

running Uncategorized

Plum Blossoms in Niigata, Cherry Blossoms in Tokyo — Out for a Run in New Shoes

Did a slower-paced, relaxed run today with hills, and listened to Haruka Nakamura’s album “Twilight” along the way. I say slow and relaxed, but I’m still not back in the zone cardio-wise, so it was a bear. But a necessary one, and enjoyable all the same.

The plum blossoms have popped out here in Niigata, and it sure is a welcome sight, but just makes me all the more excited for the coming sakura, which just today popped out in Tokyo — the first sighting this year being six days earlier than last year. So, it won’t be long ’til the Niigata countryside is painted in that fantastic pale pink (or shockingly bright and vivid pink, depending on the type of tree).

This in mind, the date for the upcoming Sakura Cash Run is going to be April 2nd. Hope I’ve got the timing right, but either way, full bloom or just popping out, we’ll make it a good day.

In other running events, I bought some new shoes. Back to New Balance. I ran many miles in the Brooks Ghost 14s, and they are super cool and nice shoes, but something about the soles seemed to fuck me up. My feet didn’t quite seem to fit in them right, so I am back to that roomy New Balance 4E toe box. So far, so good.

Until next post!


Yahweh the Abortionist

This will be a brief post expounding, regarding the topic of abortion, on the previous post entitled: Moral Relativism: Why Voluntaryism and the Bible Are Incompatible.

Cutting straight to the point. The supposed “God” of the Jewish Torah and Christian Bible has no problems with abortion, contrary to what most mainstream believers may say.

Here is a passage, even more explicitly laid out in newer translations, about an actual abortion procedure ordained by God. If there’s any doubt, verse 28 brings it home what is being talked about:

An abortion ritual described in the Old Testament.

Next, the Bible lets us know that God will “stir up” the Medes and cause them to have “no pity on the fruit of the womb”:

Here “God” stirs up people to “have no pity on the fruit of the womb.”

Regarding the above passage, for the Christian that argues “God had to kill these babies or they would grow up evil, and evil would prevail!” or that “They had no future ahead of them anyway, living with heathens!” — Aside from ridiculously blaming unborn kids and infants for evil, this stance is also Biblically dead wrong:

Of course, the Bible also says the complete opposite of this elsewhere, in its typical schizo form:

More evidence that the Jewish God doesn’t give a shit about kids:

The sins of the father were certainly visited on a newborn here.
Yahweh as the baby slayer once again.

This next one is direct proof the Hebrew tribal deity (the one Jesus also was a fan of), was fine with abortion — and this is not even to mention the child sex slavery advocated in this passage. The command from Moses via “the LORD” to kill all women that have known man by lying with him is of course logically also to kill all those who may be pregnant. What a wonderful, loving deity who is not a respecter of persons:

The Judaistic faith is an ancient tribal supremacist belief system, which justifies killing the unborn, suckling infants, and anyone else standing in the way of Yahweh’s supposed chosen ones. “Thou shalt not kill” clearly only applies to other so-called chosen-ites. None of this is to mention the child rape, genital mutilation, and merciless domination of others advocated by this cult belief system.

Can’t believe I didn’t see it before!

Luckily, I’m finding the good and love and wonder in this world doesn’t cease to be once one abandons belief in this wacky, ancient volcano deity created by a tribe of supremacist idiots.


Sakura Cash Run 2023: Event Info

EVENT DATE: 4/2/2023

Detailed Course Map

It’s almost time for the 4th annual Sakura Cash Run, an event created to enjoy life, cherry blossoms, and support freedom-centric initiatives with Bitcoin Cash!

This year’s course is 17K / 10.5 miles (or as far as folks want to go before getting picked up), along Japan’s longest river, the Shinanogawa, starting and ending with plenty of cherry blossoms.

All donations (JPY and BCH accepted) will be given directly to Satoyama Harmony (see pics below), a local free school and community center here in Niigata focused on music, farming, international events, self-sufficiency and unschooling. Many children who choose to not attend government school go here, and it is a no-mask-friendly place where sane people can still gather and plot to build a better world!

Donate BCH or JPY to Cashrun to support Satoyama Harmony (tx ids/photos will be shared post event to track/verify delivery of funds):

Satoyama Harmony in action:

Sakura Cash Run 2023 (English/日本語)

DATE: April 2nd, 2023

PLACE: Niigata City/Kamo City, Niigata Prefecture (see course map)

Start: 小須戸 マイロード櫻の舞うみち (meet at bus stop/parking lot)

Goal: 加茂の土手

   諏訪宮神社あたり 加茂新田9672 (small riverbank park)

TIME: Meet @ 9:30am. Start running @ 9:45am. Hanami party officially begins around noon. We can hang out as long as people want to, but official event end for all activities is 15:00.

DETAILS: Running or walking is fine. 10.5 miles/17 kilometers. Bring your own lunchbox and drinks for Hanami party. There is no bathroom at the location. There is a convenience store down the road for snacks/drinks/bathroom needs. If you need to help getting to the start please email me @!

Small gifts will be provided for all race participants!

Donations to Satoyama are encouraged but are not necessary to participate. Please RSVP to


COURSE MAP (High Detail Version HERE):

Sakura Cash Run 2023


チャリティマラソンイベントSakura Cash Run



募金させていただく予定です (ビットコインキャッシュBCH/JPY):










2023/04/02 詳細決まり次第連絡

 スタート集まり 9時30分

 スタート    9:45


 花見ランチ開始 12:00分開始予定

 終了 15:00時ほど




ルート  詳細写真添付


 小須戸 マイロード櫻の舞うみち


     諏訪宮神社あたり 加茂新田9672

連絡先:Sakura Cash Run 実行委員会




Charles Giuliani Interview: Escaping Bible Brainwash, the Covid Cult, and Jewish Supremacism

Charles Giuliani of Truth Hertz Radio agreed to come back for another try after the failed livestream at the end of January! Very grateful for this.

In this two-hour interview we discuss Charles’ journey out of organized religion, then out of Bible belief, and ultimately into questioning *the thing* you are simply not supposed to talk about these days — the tribal cult known as Judaism and its assertion that non-Jews are less than human, and this philosophy’s deep influence on society at large.

The interview has been edited for brevity — but only my rambling, disjointed interruptions as a sometimes less than exemplary host!

Check out the interview here.


The Highway to Hell Is the Road to Paradise City ? Running Thoughts and Music Notes

Went out for a five-miler today. First time in a long time. I am definitely not in great shape currently, and I huffed and puffed and struggled.

Music I’ve been jamming to across the last few months when I have gotten out includes The Smiths, Phoenix, various ambient and deep house tunes, AC/DC, and other stuff.

The star of the show (or run) today, however, was one of my favorite Japanese rock bands: Asian Kung-Fu Generation. I ran mostly to 2008’s World World World.

It’s a poppy-melancholic J-rock album, with interesting guitars, emotional vocals sung in a kind of resigned yet hopeful fashion by a guy with a cool, actually unique voice (music can be very cookie-cutter here) and just the slightest whispers of emo, with waves of pop-punk and sometimes even a kind of Weezer influence.

My favorite song from the album, which sums up their droning guitars, frustrated and hopeful “I want to changed the world but am also fucking tired of it all,” and overall sound of the sun setting on the suburban sprawl of a Saitama Sunday, is “Aru Machi no Gunjō” / 「或る街の群青」. The song’s English title is now listed on Apple Music as “A Town in Blue,” but the word “gunjō” actually means “ultramarine,” and I feel like that was the English title a while back — “A Town in Ultramarine.”

Either way, this tune was also featured on the Tekkonkinkreet soundtrack. The way I felt at the end of that fantastic animated film with those opening, clean droning guitar tones gently ringing out over the dull murmur of a crowd is hard to encapsulate. Something about it.

All that said, I was huffing and puffing and hurting at the end of this album, because I was still running, and wanted to make my goal. That pain is great, though, because it means you are making progress. I put on some AC/DC and “Highway to Hell” functioned as a drug, taking some of the sting out of the struggle. Then George Thorogood’s “I Drink Alone” came on, and I was almost at the train station. The Apple Music app was doing its own algorithm thing now and chose “Paradise City” as the next song, and that’s what I finished to. I would have never chosen that on my own, but it turned out to be the perfect jam to round out the run, and bring me home to the paradise of a feeling of accomplishment and that “good tired.” Not to mention the twisted thrill of being on the verge of wanting to puke, as I had run fasted, having just two cups of coffee in the morning.

Sitting there on the bench at Niitsu Station, I was glad I did it. Sore hip, out-of-shape condition notwithstanding. I did it. A paradise feeling.


3rd Annual Waterfall Challenge 今年も滝行しました

Well, this winter’s indeed been tough and dark on many fronts for me. But nonetheless, we got back out to the falls again this year for the icy beating we all deserved and needed, to welcome in the coming spring, and to remember we are FUCKING ALIVE!!!! After the cold and pain and within it, there is something special hidden there. Both heart and body are reinvigorated!


My warrior monk wife. I am a lucky man.
It hurt this year more than last. Maybe the melting snow? Maybe the lack of sleep. But I took my exhilarating beating and woke up after, ready to live again.

Like last year, we went with a group of anti-mask cult pals. Even had a new kid from the clan go in! I won’t post their pics here for privacy reasons, but I sure am grateful such wonderful individuals exist.

Until next time!




Goosebump-Inducing Greatness

Watching AC/DC videos. Hearing the soul in Bon Scott’s voice. The punk rock energy. Angus stomping around shredding those scratchy, chunky, searing guitar solos. The driving bass and drums. Fucking goddamn cool.

Watching Michael Jordan highlight reels. Even non sports fans know they are seeing something special. A kind of underdog-come-up, goosebump-inducing freedom and greatness from a young master. Full of life and rebellion and heat.

Hearing Eddie Van Halen play the guitar. The pure, high-octane shred in the intro to “Hot for Teacher,” where Alex’s kick drums sound like a goddamn motorcycle engine at first. Hearing and seeing Eddie play, everyone knows they are seeing something special. A god in a human form.

Watching Johnny Carson handle a tough guest, or riff seamlessly and laugh out loud with a good one. All the thought and thinking on his feet behind each interview that most don’t even consider. It looks effortless, because of the massive talent and effort and understanding. Whatever he was in his personal life, a genius was there on stage. A true fucking master of a host, and making the audience feel like they are all part of the experience — because they were — by bringing them in with his humanity.

There is such a kindness and love there.

The confidence is “otherworldly.” You know when someone is there — embodied by it. And I’d say it is about impossible not to feel it when it is real.


Son and Heir of Nothing in Particular: The Pains of Being a Generalist

There’s a quote somewhere that says in order to be good in specifics, one must first be a generalist. I agree with this, but cannot be currently bothered to scour the internet for it.

The idea of being a generalist isn’t necessarily about being a “jack of all trades, but master of none,” either, or even just a “master of one,” as I think the original quote goes, but simply having “a broad general knowledge and skills in several areas,” as my internet search engine defines it.

It seems to me that generalists are necessarily critical thinkers as well, which creates a lot of tension in a mainstream society dependent on unthinking acceptance, rote memorization, and loving a life of free-range slavery. Critical thinkers are again and again bashed over the head by a common foe: the logically fallacious, perennial appeal to authority defense of all kinds of nonsense.

Generalists also have a lonely life. Because unlike the insanely micro-focused, accept-it-on-authority comfortable class, there is no God or leader whose “word they can take for it,” and no rote-memorized system or track to blindly follow to the goal. The critical thinker is floating on a sea of unknowns, in a small, wind-whipped dinghy called logic, which frequently gets punctured and fills with water, which must be bailed out. What the generalist does notice, however, is that the others around him are also in such dinghies, but with virtual reality headsets and tactile bodysuits on, so they cannot see the water full of circling sharks (and other both wonderful and threatening mysteries) or feel the cold wind blowing.

This isn’t to say our critical thinking generalist always sees clearly either. No, far, far from it. But at least the first step has been taken. Remove the headset, see the situation. Part of that situation: many dinghies have sunk, with the VR-suited occupant tragically realizing at the final moment that something was amiss, lungs filling with water. When the generalists see this and shout to warn the others, they are laughed at.

Some headsets are labeled “religion,” and others are labeled “political party” (which is itself just another religion), and still others are labeled with crowned dollar signs.

Our generalist, here, is a bastard. No home. Feeling himself at times to be “the son and heir of nothing in particular,” as the lyric from The Smiths’ song suggests. There’s no place to neatly fit.

People don’t like generalists, generally speaking. When they draw comparisons between what others see to be vastly incomparable topics and areas of life, the specifists tell them they are crazy. Because they can clearly see in their headset and feel in their body suit that there is no connection between them and these other crazy ideas.

The man in the “government is necessary” headset cannot even fathom an order existing in an anarchic setting, let alone logically argue against such possibility. When you tell the woman in the “Democrat” VR headset that she is essentially the same as the woman in the “Republican” headset (in that she blindly accepts whatever position her political hero spouts), she laughs at you. “Republicans and Democrats are vastly different, you idiot!”

So the generalist floats on. Sometimes encountering the rare, other generalist thinker along the way. This is a joyous occasion. Because then they can get into specifics. The overarching goal is to get as many people as possible to take the headsets off and begin to search for land, and to build an actual life.

For the time being, we’ve just got to deal with the mockery.

“Listen to this guy! Telling us we’re actually lost at sea! HAH! I can see right now that we are not. He’s insane!”