Jung Transplant (If You Only Knew)

Carl said: “As a child I felt myself to be alone, and I am still, because I know things and must hint at things which others apparently know nothing of, and for the most part do not want to know.

“Loneliness does not come from having no people about one, but from being unable to communicate the things that seem important to oneself, or from holding certain views which others find inadmissible.”

Who I am, and the things I care most about, feel unsafe to share in this world of artifice. Even my own parents don’t seem all that interested in what really lights me up and things I so desperately want to share with them! As they are the ones who initially told me to seek the truth at all costs! I thought in them I would find compatriots in my quest to know the land of freedom. Now they want nothing of it, it seems to me, insofar as it disagrees with their flimsily held-together crutches of unshakable “faith.”

The message is clear: The religious system is more important than your human individuality.

I can’t imagine my son, making some piece of art, and me not being interested, even if it blasphemed every thing I ever stood for. Because I love him, and would want to understand. I’d be excited to be offended and to debate him!!!!

I can’t imagine asking someone how they are doing, and then being repulsed by their candid answer to the point of consistently avoiding any mention of the information I had requested. And in lieu of addressing the pain they are going through, sending “emojis.”

Ah well. I love them all the same. And Dostoevsky has been my friend-across-time as of late.

The moon is full tonight. Worms will eat me when I die. These are things that are pretty certain. I hope there is something after this. The “stream of life” as Jung called it, is very real to me. When dreams are so much more real than “reality,” the disconnect is a trip.

I tried as hard as I could tonight to sleep. Too much restlessness. Chemicals it is. But responsibly. Or something like that. I mask the struggle so well, that even I myself hardly even know.